New Year can be a weird time. Finances are low, January payday feels like it’s never gonna arrive, there are post-Christmas breakups too (sorry but it’s true). 8th January is notoriously known for the date that Lawyers and Barristers’ offices will be inundated with calls from clients requesting quickie divorces!!!!!
People are complicated… and Christmas and the New Year definitely highlights the irritants of others. Most people want space… but despite our built-in resistances, many are looking for a connection, which is why I’m turning it around because January is the time when people look for LOVE.
Statistically, there is up to a 51% increase on the most popular dating sites during the first week of January dubbing it a National Holiday for singletons. There are over 1,400 dating sites in the UK designed for different ages and preferences, yet 1 in 3 people in the UK (over 16) are not married or in a civil partnership! So why is finding love so complicated?
Mindset and approach…
Dating has changed A LOT especially if you are over 35 and even the thought of joining a dating app may send shivers down your spine and rosy your cheeks with embarrassment – or if you look like me you’ll get that hot burning sensation – African Caribbeans/African American don’t normally change colour!!!! So here are 4 steps to help your mindset and approach to find and accept love.
1. SELF LOVE
It all starts with you! We all need love, but it is very easy to focus a lot of love on our family and friends, but where does your love come from? It would be great to be reassured that it is going to come from the people in your life who care about you, but you can’t control those people and you can easily be disappointed if you only rely on external sources for love.
This is why self-love is so important and why whilst craving love you could be subconsciously pushing it away. Unless the issue is dealt with, it will continue to interfere with any potential relationship.
That’s because practising self-love allows for an openness to receiving love from others.
It’s such a simple concept – If you don’t love yourself, how do you expect anybody else to love you – and the change can be as simple as making a mental shift. But it’s a necessary change if you want to be ready for that person to come into your life.
2. MIRROR WORK
When you look in the mirror do you truly look at yourself? The answer is probably NO! The truth is, the more you look at yourself, the more you will love yourself and will be able to accept and love others.
We all have ‘isms’ and flaws’, but the more you love yourself, instead of judging or pass your pre-conceived thoughts to whoever comes your way you will consider why you are doing so and look within.
3. BE OPEN
So, you are sitting at your desk or in your home office wondering ‘why CAN’T I find love’… but you never socialise! The truth of the matter is you can wait for love or you can go and FIND it! Throw tradition out of the window, forget the rules (well some) and prepare yourself for the 2018 way.
Dating apps are nothing new, but they increase your odds of meeting someone new with 44% of people reporting that their successful match leads to marriage. It is true, not all dating apps are the same and there definitely some fake profiles to sieve through, but there are also some very good ones!
If you wish to avoid disappointment, there are 5 Top Sites you can try:
- Zoosk – “The online dating site and dating app where you can browse photos of local singles, match with daters, and chat. You never know who you might find!” – This site has over 40,000,000 subscribers who are casual and serious daters (aged 20 plus)
- Elite Singles – “For Single professionals” – This site is aimed at those 30 -55 and matches you with someone who fits what you are looking for… so be honest!
- Match – Cited as “the most trusted” dating app. Match also offer their members holidays and social events for more traditional mingling too. Great for 30 plus serious daters (especially if you avoid Match Connect which allows members who have not paid to contact you)
- E-Harmony – “Why Not Let Science Have A Go At Love?” – The more open and honest you are when completing your E-Harmony profile the better the outcome will be as they match you with singles who meet your criteria
- Our Time – “The dating site for young people over 50” – Apps specifically for people over 50 are quite new in comparison to others, but they are becoming increasingly popular and have great success rates with the core focus being companionship.
There are plenty of others like the swipe left and right Tinder and Plenty of Fish which literally has lots of people ‘fishing’ for a “connection” but the right site can give you a positive experience… so why not try a few!
4. RIDE THE ROLLER COASTER OF LIFE
Finding love is like a pendulum of swinging emotions – the highs of curiosity, excitement and intrigue, followed by the lows of disappointment and despondency. Allow the constant belief that love is out there to get you through the low points.
All that’s left to say now is…happy dating.