It’s the little things: the minor transgressions on your self esteem that you allow infringe on your integrity. It’s not okay for others to put you down or take you for granted. EVER.
Even in little ways, accepting negativity from others harms your self worth. Negativity seeps into your subconscious, what you allow impacts you; most times without you even realizing. Little words of shame and undeserved negativity add up quickly.
Here’s how interaction works…
We treat others according to the energy they send out and the energy they send out is how they treat themselves. We allow people to treat us the way we treat ourselves. If you like yourself , are completely self actualized, and have no problem setting boundaries then please click the link to find another Angie Greaves article to read. If not… read on.
If you’re always taking care of everyone else and not yourself, you are neglecting who you are, and you are saying, “I am unworthy.”
There’s irony here. If you’re thinking “All I ever do is take care of everyone around me. Why don’t they treat me well?” it’s because you’re not treating yourself well. You allow it. You get respect by respecting yourself. When you respect yourself you TEACH others how to treat you.
Now I’m not saying to cut everyone who mistreats you or takes advantage of you out of your life. That is ONE way to handle it… although it’s a lonely way. Sometimes, people don’t even KNOW how you feel. This is why you need to set boundaries…
You have a right to say ‘enough is enough’. Sometimes we feel as if we don’t have a voice. That we’re caretakers with the weight of the world on our shoulders. Not only do we bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, but we have to shop for the best cuts of bacon with the least fat and find the one that everyone likes and won’t complain about. In other words, we don’t delegate well. You’re not the alpha and omega of the world. It won’t kill anyone for them to help.
Stop putting other people’s needs and feelings before your own. Yes, most of us are adults who are reading this. Yes, we’re responsible for our children/job/spouse/house/everything. Yes, we’ve got lots on our plates. Yes, we’re compassionate and caring and want others to be happy. But what about YOUR happiness? When does that come in? If you don’t take care of yourself you’re not going to be much good to anyone else. Your needs matter too.
It’s okay to say no. This makes me cringe. Saying NO is HARD! Some of us are people-pleasers and often put ourselves at a disadvantage by trying to accommodate everyone. We’re raised that way. “Try to be nice.” “Help others when you can.” That’s all good stuff to learn but keep in mind, those are lessons taught to us as children so we wouldn’t grow up to be selfish little snots. So as adults we’ve learned to not be selfish, we put our personal needs on the back burner and agree to do things that may not be beneficial to our well-being.
I’m going to say it… hold on to your hats.
BEING A LITTLE BIT SELFISH IS HEALTHY!
Identify what’s NOT okay. It’s about drawing lines in the sand and actually saying “Whoa”. As in “Whoa you don’t have the right to say that“ or “Whoa I deserve better than that“ or even simply “Whoa this is not okay”. Then you give that person a chance… a chance to not repeat/apologize/change behaviors. But… you have to TELL people. No one is a mind reader. It goes back to the point of this whole article: We teach people how to treat us. If you don’t teach, they’ll never know.
Now if people still continue to mistreat you after you’ve done all of the above… it may be time for them to go. It’s not healthy for you to keep toxic people around. It’s one thing if people don’t realize they’re taking advantage, but once they know and continue to push you? It’s self preservation time.
People will treat you the way you allow. Don’t give permission slips for bad behavior. DO allow yourself to accept kindness.
How are you teaching others how to treat you?