Scenario: Someone (with whom you really aren’t friends) doesn’t like you. Not only do they not like you, there is serious venom being spewed your way. All of a sudden you wonder why. You rack your brain to think of the reasons why…
Have you been unkind?
Have you been rude?
Have you been unintentionally hurtful?
Every time you’re around that person you feel seething eyeballs piercing your back and you think “What in the *expletive* did I ever do to you?”
I think it’s a common scenario with all the communication gaps and insecurity in this world. Many times we DO indeed care what others think, even when we shouldn’t. The secret to feeling okay (no matter what) is EMOTIONAL INTEGRITY.
Emotional integrity is the personal achievement of emotional strength, discipline, and completeness that remains constant no matter what others say or do. It includes both a control of emotions and an honest acknowledgement of them—pleasant or unpleasant.
How do you achieve emotional integrity? By challenging the reality of your emotions. Ever heard the phrase “Feelings Aren’t Facts”? Be wary of the words “I feel LIKE”. Once you add the “like” then it no longer is a feeling but is a thought.
“I feel LIKE you don’t like me.”
“I feel LIKE I’m all alone.”
“I feel LIKE everyone is staring at me.”
Those are all statements NOT feelings. Feelings are one word. Here’s a list to help you identify exactly what you’re feeling. (You can’t change that of which you are unaware):
Being selective about where you spend your emotional capital is the new cool. Ask yourself the following questions…
- Who is this person to me?
- Are they important to my life?
- Are they a reliable source?
If you answer NO to these three questions then you must ask yourself “WHY does someone who doesn’t matter to me have power over my emotions?” I’m not a fan of someone renting space in my head, especially people who haven’t earned it. The problem resides in MY head, NOT in the other persons behavior.
Approval seeking is so last year. Make it a new year and a new start. Spend your emotional credit wisely.