I frequently speak about Imposter Syndrome (a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts his or her accomplishments and has a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as a “fraud”) and have written about it on my website.
With time to reflect and being #InConversation with amazing women I have been thinking about my achievements and feelings of stagnation… but I have come to realise that ‘Everyone Blooms At Different Times’.
Growing up, sometimes it feels like you have to have your entire life decided by the time you go to Uni. You need a career path that will be successful and if you don’t have it all figured out by the time you’re in your 20’s, then you’re not going to “make it”.
When you’re an adult, sometimes you think that if you don’t have “the house” or “the car” or “the lifestyle”, then you’re not successful. When you measure your worth from the outside in, you are selling yourself short, and stressing yourself out!
So what is success? How do we measure success? Is success a big house and lots of “things”? Or putting your own dreams and goals to the side for the sake of “looking good”? Or is true happiness reaching different goals… like self-esteem, personal growth, starting your own business, creating your own career path?
The idea that being successful is a simple formula is just plain wrong. As a society we continue to buy into the lie that “triumph comes from money” and in order to get that success we must follow a straight line. Part of succeeding is just not giving up. The biggest part of success that no one ever tells you is that you have to fail… a lot! You have to keep moving, keep going, keep “swimming” and not let your head tell you that you can’t do it.
Because the biggest enemy of our own success is ourselves.
We have to change the way we view validation. Instead of looking to external sources that provide the stamp of approval that “We are GOOD” we need to use different metrics. Personal satisfaction, healthy relationships, chasing your own goals and dreams instead of what the world views at “happiness” are just a few ways to start.
Feeling stagnant is part of the process. But if we cut the stress, cut the confusion, and stop focusing on what we “don’t have” we can pull ourselves out of it. If you take a moment to look at all you DO have… you’ll be amazed. There is no “one size fits all” measurement for blooming. We all bloom at different times, in different ways. The secret is to keep watering, keep tending, keep fertilising and you’ll continue to bloom all the rest of your days.