Now most of this may be a generalisation and will certainly not apply to every relationship between a man and a woman but lately women, have you noticed that your partner does not always understand or listen to you how you would like him to and that he likes to cut a conversation short by ‘fixing’ the ‘issue’?
Listen, I need you to just say it out loud now so that we are all on the same page, “My man is not and never will be my woman friend, therefore I do not expect him to totally get it or even want to talk about it, whatever ‘it’ is.”
Let’s face it, there are some things WE don’t even understand about ourselves, much less expecting men to understand us as well! When I talk to women, I always try to remind them to keep up with their female friends/sisters, as it is usually that woman connection we crave, which cannot be matched by a man. Sorry men (we are NOT saying we don’t need you!).
For example, recently talking to someone getting married and they needed to decide on a venue, the man was quite decisive, no, yes, how much, whereas the woman needed the details. Once he had said yes, that was it, there was no need to discuss it anymore e.g. will so and so like it? what about the colour of the decoration? what about that first venue we saw? All superfluous to him as he had already decided, its fine the rest will follow. She had to talk to her women friends in the end to discuss the pros and cons of each location before going along with their original decision (I know!). Men think we change our mind, when in fact we may but it’s more like in their head it was concluded but in ours, it was only talked about, not quite decided!
Have you ever watched ‘Don’t tell the bride’? The man plans the wedding and usually they choose a dress to fit the woman’s figure or to match their theme. The woman however would need to know, is it ivory or white or off white? Lace? Chiffon? Silk? and the list goes on.
WE know we are so different so why do we still expect so much from men?
Just like we know and they know that our period comes once a month (or more intermittently now maybe) and that in general, week 1 you’re on, week 2 you want hot fiery sex, week 3 you may need sex, week 4 you feel bloated and want to punch him but a bit of loving foreplay may go down well. After how many years and all the research and technology in the world, you’d expect them to just ‘get it’ by now wouldn’t you?! Someone asked me “Does that mean that men should change or women should?” I said why should either?! We are different creatures. Let us celebrate and delight in that and don’t deny that it is part of the attraction. You see…that’s why we need our ‘sisters’.
Even if your partner is quite open and emotionally expressive, there comes a point when they need to revert to their ‘man cave’ to hold the remote control in peace without the ‘nagging’ – described as ‘asking somebody repeatedly’ or ‘keep criticising’. We may think we’re not criticising but the moment they hear ‘I feel that you’ or ‘I feel this way’ they immediately think ‘NOW what have I done wrong?’!. They revert to defence mode and think you’re attacking them thus the nagging scenario.
So instead of bringing up the same thing again and again i.e. nagging (not to be confused with serious issues which need communication), why not use the rest of summer, to reconnect with the women in your life or find new ones through meet up and plug that gap. Talk, share, laugh, cry, plan, discuss, turn it upside down, come to no conclusions, just get it all off your chest and have a good ole natter! Take the pressure off men. Why, because Men are not Women. Simple as.
Suggested reading: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus – John Gray