Trauma, impostor syndrome and all kinds of mental challenges can shadow us day by day, those days turn into months and then the months turn into years.
Coping mechanisms kick in and it’s not until we get an alarm bell that rings so loudly that we actually wake up. The red flags that present themselves in our lives become habit, they become the norm and then one day we realise that the red flag is so large it’s actually a sheet your can wrap yourself in.
This is my personal story in terms of health and weight management.
I’ve had personal trainers, gym memberships, New Balance trainers, NIKE trainers, Air Max trainers, you name it. I’ve even convinced myself that I’ve looked fine whilst eating take out washed down with a glass of Proscecco. The clothing sizes went up from 16 to 18 to 20 but I still convinced myself to wear black, it’s an optical illusion and everything will be ok.
Then the pandemic hit and on one hand I was actually quite grateful because I thought ‘well stay home you can’t go out for dinner so cook more healthily’. I’d have the odd snack, but then the snacks started to take over and became the meals! And as for when Lockdown Insomnia kicked in, well it was just a case of eating in the middle of the night out of boredom.
December 2020 I met Olympian Martin Bernard who offered to train me online, so no excuses about the car breaking down, traffic on the A40, this was it. So I agreed.
He asked me to take a profile photo of myself and I knew something was wrong because I hesitated big-time. And then I did it … burst into tears as reality was right in front of my very eyes.
Please know that I am in no way fat shaming anyone, I know why my weight increased, I know the stress the weight represents and in a nutshell I don’t want it anymore.
I am aware that weight issues, gain or loss, can be medical, spiritual and even emotional, so I am in no way judging.